02 July 2010

This sexist school

Sometimes men try to book a tantra, lingam, sensual or similar massage with us. The Dakinis tend to say no.

Sometimes, women request something as specific. We tend to say yes.

This may appear genderist, even sexist, and it is. A core difference between our teaching of men and women is:

When teaching men, the Dakini guides the process, choosing which techniques to use, and when.

With women, I suggest which techniques and approaches to the work would currently suit them, and they choose.

The other male teachers in the school, the Dakas, do sessions mostly with women who are learning from a Dakini of the school, to the Dakini's direction.

This is because Tantra insists on the primacy of the feminine. What happens in sessions, therefore, always originates in a woman's decision.

Although Tantra, historically had to be "fronted" by male Gurus that the Patriarchy could respect, the women were never not in charge of the development of the arts. They were the sisters, grandmothers, lovers, wives and teachers of all the great gurus of history. They hid and revealed teachings in response to the cultural changes they perceived. They encouraged, or limited the audiences of gurus, depending on their areas of usefulness. They told the gurus where to travel, where to teach. They were responsible for "guru quality control", and no man could be regarded as being a tantric master or guru without their express endorsement.

Recently I was given a copy of Judith Simmer Brown's excellent book Dakini's Warm Breath which documents the function of the Dakini in ancient Tibet.

Tantra is and always has been a teaching guided by women. Even when the women have been secretive, even secret from themselves. A man has always had the possibility of finding the Dakinis he needs. After all, every woman has the kernel, the seed of the Dakini within her, and she does not have to be aware of it, or cooperative with it for the man to find it and benefit from what it catalyses in him.

Once upon a time, I was, as a teacher, just willing and available to teach the few women who went to the considerable trouble of seeking me out and asking for my initiation and teaching.

It was a Dakini who gathered the first group of people I spoke to and booked me on a flight to where they were.

Dakinis developed and started the teaching modality we call Tantra sessions, which, in terms of effectiveness and totality,  far exceeds the usefulness of anything I had ever dreamed of on my own path.

Likewise, every increase of the availability of our teachings, our group work, retreats,  the conferences we have participated in, the hours of video on youtube, our websites and the book I am nearly finished writing have all been inspired/directed/suggested by Dakinis.

Winston Churchill was once asked if he thought that, by the year 2000, women would be running the world. His wise reply: Yes. They will still be at it.

Patriarchs with insight see the truth and bemoan it. We celebrate the truth.


  1. Jennifer Jardine7:10 am

    Lovely Rahasya! I love your description of teeny Dakini in each woman, no matter how much she is participating with it and man finding that "kernel" within her exactly what is needed for his own transformation.
    Beautiful Thank you!

  2. Anonymous3:12 pm

    Hi there, this is anreal. i'm interested to hear your opinion regarding the fact that Dakini as woman, and Daka as man, is only in truth a relative distinction ....

    All women and men alike should ideally express both of these 'seemingly dualistic' aspects right? naturally in most cases a female might instinctually have an intuitive grasp of the Dakini principle, but this is surely not true across the board.

    What about developing the Dakini aspect in men? At which point are they 'qualified' to act actively AS DAKINI and for females, the other way around?

    1. A woman has a better chance of beating the men's singles Wimbledon champion than a man has of becoming a Dakini.

      Genders are different … and, though a man can (I believe I have) develop considerble aptitude in the feminine, apart from the chromosomally/hormonally gifted, the difference is at least as great as that between men and women in tennis: Lots of overlap in the general experience, but none at the pinnacle.