We are whole beings, divided into masculine and feminine aspects (and every other sort of division, but let's stay with this one).
Learning how love works with a man and a woman, doing "conventional" relationship, gives us the necessary insight, experience and EQ to start the inner love affair of our own masculine and feminine.
It is the feminine aspect which must be willing to want something (out of all the generalised wanting, a specific), consistently, reassuring the male aspect that his energy is appreciated and wanted … and to thank the male aspect when he delivers!
The revelations of this dynamic in relationship support the same cooperation in the individual. We all need to have a cooperation between our feminine, wide-angle view of what we want and our masculine one-pointed focus which enables achievement.
Being polarised to an exclusive masculinity or femininity is an unfortunate (but common) distortion.
Completely in the feminine = being immobilised from almost any action, because there is a fear of then not getting to do all the possible alternative actions. Also, the awareness that everything affects everything else, taken too far with no balance, results in fearful inaction.
The feminine aspect has to learn to "want". To select from the myriad possibilities by accepting the painful understanding that things must usually be achieved one thing and one step at a time. In the absence of a masculine aspect to take action, the feminine becomes slothful and destructively indulgent of "low" concerns. TV and pastries.
Completely in the masculine = Ploughing ahead with one pointed focus, oblivious to incidental and consequential factors.
The masculine aspect, particularly in the warrior archetype, has to learn to be directed, to take commands. The warrior needs a Goddess to serve. In the absence of the Goddess, the hunger of the warrior for command can lead him to take direction from even a masculine authority: royalty, a military command structure, a college fraternity, a corporation or some other form of gang.
Cooperation, which leads to integration looks much better:
The feminine selects a specific wanting from her range of wanting (this is the difficult bit), asks for it from the masculine, keeps an overview of the situation, continues to want the chosen specific (another difficult bit) and offers congratulations on completion (easy to overlook but surprisingly important) before setting the next objective.
The masculine takes the direction (this is the difficult bit) of the feminine, and does the one-pointed obsessive thing. Accepting correction/adjustment along the way, in response to the wider perception of the feminine is tricky, and praise on completion is of significant importance for future cooperation.
Finding this cooperation in relationship (where both often take turns over time playing out their masculine and feminine aspects) is a step towards applying this understanding to one's own inner m+f aspects. This approach can result in a fondness between these aspects and mutual appreciation for the strengths and usefulness of the other. This brings them into friendliness.
When inner masculine and feminine aspects are friendly, they can make love, unite and become one complete being, just as in the cultural soulmate myth.
The friendliness is essential. Techniques exist for inducing "inner lovemaking", but without some significant and sincere friendliness within first, things can get a bit ugly. This is the reason these techniques are seldom written down and are hidden (occluded) from students until there is clear readiness.
The overview and guidance of Tantric practice requires a feminine open awareness, sensitivity and responsiveness, well served. The depth, intensity and totality of Tantric practice requires strong masculine energy, well directed.
This is why in Tantra, the truth of the primacy of Feminine energy is respected, especially the wild/unreasonable/fierce/chthonic aspects expressed in Goddess form as Tara and Kali.
So, as a male founder of a school, I chose a nice simple primary directive for my one-pointed focus: Remind Dakinis of their vocation, support their flowering, and encourage them into the fullness of their teaching.
Existence has been bounteously supportive of my endeavors. Never before me has any teacher been so blessed with students of such readiness, aptitude, totality and sincerity!
Wendy, Shima and Shakti … encounter any of these teachers, and you'll find Tantra is as complete, healthy and as powerful and as challenging as ever it was. These women are Tantra.